Kontrolle in Englisch

[Buffy_Summers]

Hallo,

ich muss bis morgen mich auf eine Verhandlung in meinem Englisch Unterricht vorbereitet haben, jedoch wollte ich gerne mal eine kleine Kontrolle meines Textes haben, da ich nicht so ein Genie in dem Fach bin.

Zur Erklärung:
Wir sollen eine Gerichtsverhandlung nachspielen, in welcher eine Mädchen, Amy, angeklagt ist einem anderen Mädchen, Jessica, Drogen gegeben zu haben. Es ist so, dass ich die Mutter von Amy spiele und 2 Mal in den Zeugenstand gerufe werden. Zu erst verteidige ich meine Tochter, doch dann sage ich schließlich die Wahrheit und alles was ich weiß. Dabei muss man auch wissen, dass ich ziemlich eingeschüchtert bin von meiner Tochter und für sie eigentlich alles tue. Außerdem wurden vor mir schon andere aufgerufen, sodass die Situation für alle bekannt ist.

Hier nun mein Text:
1. Mal im Zeugenstand:
I'm Julien, the mother from Amy, my daughter. I don't think, that Amy has drogs or deal wih them. She is a very good child. Her father died at cancer for few years. It was a big shock and a terrible time, but we both could manage this situation and live on.
And Jessica is a friend from Amy. Okay they are not the best friends in the world, however, they talk with eachother and go together to the disco in our town for example. Am woul never hurt Jessica or an other person. Really!

2. Mal im Zeugenstand:
Sorry, but I must say anything. I must say, what I know. Amy phoned with one of her friends one day. I wount listen, but I could hear, what Amy said. She talked about a girl, a boy as well as ... drugs.
She is my daughter and she talked about drugs. I thought, that I interrogated me, but now I know - it's real. Amy had drugs and probably she gave some Jessica at this evening.
A moment ago I didn't tell anything, because I would protect my daughter and so I say nothing about this. I'm sorry about this, what Amy had done.

Also wer Fehler bemerkt, möge sie doch bitte hier posten. Danke!

 

[Luciferin]

wie wär´s mit: "i´m julien, amy´s mother."? dann gehört der beistrich nach "think" weg.

"i don´t think that drugs are amy´s property or that she deals with them."

"her father died from cancer..."

"and jessica..." << da würd ich das and einfach weglassen, ist stilvoller!

"and go out together, e.g. in discos.."


TEXT 2

"...must say something..." << anything nur wenn verneinung im satz

"i didn´t want to listen but ic ould hear what amy said."

(kleiner tipp zwischendurch: verwende nicht so viele kommas)

"... a girl and a boy, as well as drugs..."

"amy had drugs and probably she gave some of them to jessica this evening."

"the moment before i didn´t tell the truth because i wanted to protect my daughter."

"i´m sorry abouit everything amy had done"

hoffe ich konnte dir helfen!

 

[Buffy_Summers]

Vielen dank für deine Hilfe.

Mein Text sieht jetzt überarbeitet mit deiner Hilfe so aus:

1. Mal im Zeugenstand:
I'm Julien, the mother from Amy, my daughter. i don´t think that drugs are amy´s property or that she deals wih them. She is a very good child. Her father died from cancer few years ago. It was a big shock and a terrible time, but we both could manage this situation and live on.
And Jessica is a friend from Amy. Okay they are not the best friends in the world, however, they talk with each other and go out together, e.g. in discos. Amy would never hurt Jessica or an other person. Really!

2. Mal im Zeugenstand:
Sorry, but I have to say something. I have to say, what I know. Amy was phoning one of her friends one day. I didn't want to listen, but I could hear, what Amy said. She talked about a girl and a boy as well as ... drugs.
She is my daughter and she talked about drugs. I thought, that I interrogated me, but now I know - it's real. Amy had drugs and probably she gave some of them to jessica this evening.
The moment before I didn´t tell the truth because I wanted to protect my daughter. I'm sorry about everything Amy has done.


Ach und das mit Jessica, was du geschrieben hast, verstehe ich nicht ganz. Was sollte ich da wegelassen?

 

[Quigoni]

Gut, dann schreibe ich mal, wie ich das sagen würde.


1. Mal im Zeugenstand:

"I'm Julien, Amy's mother."
"I don't think Amy does drugs or even deals with them."
"Hey father died from cancer a few years ago."
"They are not best friends but they go out together."
"Amy would never hurt Jessica or any other person/anyone else."


2. Mal im Zeugenstand:

"Sorry, I have to say everthing I know."
"Amy was on the telephone with one of her friends today. I didn't want to listen but I could hear everything that has been said. She was talking about a girl and a boy, as well as drugs."
"I thought this wasn't true, but now I know - it's real."
"Amy had drugs and she probably gave some to Jessica this evening."
"I didn't say everything earlier, because I wanted to pretect my daughter."
"I am sorry about what Amy has done."

Ich hoffe mal, ich hab da jetzt keine Extrafehler reingebaut

 

[Buffy_Summers]

Cool, schön das ihr mir so helft. Ich glaube mal Fehler habt ihr beide nicht gemacht. Ihr habt es einfach anders ausgedrückt. Ich schau einfach mal welche Methode ich davon nehme.